fandom is so weird you never know how old anyone is but you just kinda assume most of them are around your age until proven otherwise and then one day someone is talking about their 9 year old kid on your dash and another person is saying they just finished 10th grade. wild.
reblog and tag with your age, so your mutuals know
it worries me so much that there’s been this (mostly unintentional) culture built up around coming out, to where young lgbt kids are putting themselves in danger at school and at home because they don’t want to “live a lie.” i just want to say, i came out when i was 15 and it created a lot of difficulties in my life that i could have avoided by waiting until i was older. it isolated me socially, it exposed me to homophobia from my parents, my family, my teachers, and my classmates at the most important developmental stages of my own confidence and sense of self… closeted people are not living a lie. closeted people are surviving. don’t let anyone pressure you to come out before you’re ready. don’t put yourself at risk when you don’t have to.
Historically, the importance of coming out was put forward by Harvey Milk as a tactic for normalization through representation; if your librarian, your postal worker and seven of the people in your local sports fanclub are all gay & you’ve been friends for years with no disasters, the rhetoric of queers as a monstrous unknown Other collapses. The thing is, Milk was mainly talking to other adults who had their own means of survival; their own incomes, their own houses.
Yes, homophobia has been used & is being used to eject people from their apartments & that is monstrous, & yes there are vulnerabilities which can cause you terrible harm as an adult, but when you are so much more vulnerable, your job is surviving. The closet is a survival tactic, & that’s all it’s ever been. It is not your job right now to be on the front lines of queer representation. Ellen DeGeneres & Laverne Cox are taking care of that so that you can be safe, & we’re going to need you to still be with us in ten years, ok?
You can find people who are safe to be fully open with, and you deserve to be able to do that but you do not owe the intimate details of the way you fall in love to people who would not treat you with basic human dignity.
People who will put you in danger have no right to your privacy, and no right to honesty from you, if that’s the way you want to frame it.
(Pt.2) This was all in the context of a party, which do not make me feel safe. These were from people who I found attractive, but who I didn’t intimately trust. I have never been sexually assaulted, but a lot of the context of any sexual intimacy (kissing etc.) was surrounded by sexual assault/violence. I have masturbated since I was about 14 and am attracted to both men and women (more often women), but when opportunities arise to become sexually intimate with people I am attracted to
(Pt. 3) I feel deeply panicked and always refuse. I have often wondered if I am asexual, but I wonder if I am also maybe just afraid of sexual intimacy because of its past context in my life (i.e. that my high school was NOT a safe, welcoming sexual space–violence, misogyny). Most of all, whenever people bring up whether I’m dating/have dated/have had sex, I feel lost and broken. Please, if you have any advice you could give me/encouragement, I would love to hear. Thank you.
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Okay… I can’t say I relate to your situation and I kind of had to gloss over the details because sexual topics do trigger my anxiety and OCD but I can’t leave this unanswered.
I personally don’t know what you could do but I really hope one of my followers might be able to give you some better advice than me
I’m a follower! Here comes my version of shitty advice.
So it sounds like you’re not interested in the guy from work at all, in which case you should politely turn him down. Really, given the huge age difference (he was at least your current age when you were born) and power imbalance in the workplace I wouldn’t recommend it anyway. If he starts giving you shit because of that, he’s almost definitely not allowed to, so you can report him.
The situation you’ve described with not wanting to sleep with people at parties even though you find them attractive sounds pretty normal to me. Not all allosexual (non-asexual) people are comfortable with the whole one-night-stand thing, and it can be very risky going off with a stranger. Did you experience the same fear of sexual intimacy while in a romantic relationship? Or have you not had a serious romantic relationship (possibly because of the fear)?
It’s possible you could be sex-repulsed, which isn’t a sexuality but a personal attitude to the idea of having sex. Sex-repulsion can be because of trauma, or anxiety, or just a natural part of how someone is that exists for no reason. I’m somewhat sex-repulsed myself, but as an asexual person I’ve never had any desire to change that.
The most commonly used definition of ‘asexual’ is someone who doesn’t experience sexual attraction, but some people still use the asexual label even though they do feel some level of sexual attraction, because the label fits them for other reasons. I’m not too sure of the details on that one.
If sex-repulsion is getting in the way of your happiness, you might want to seek out some kind of therapy or counselling to deal with some of those negative feelings around sexual intimacy. It does sound like it’s impacting on your relationships so even though you haven’t experienced sexual assault, it might be worth getting some help to deal with those feelings.
Also, 19 is still young. (I’m 4 whole years older than you, wow… I feel old) It’s not that unusual to still be a virgin or not have had a serious relationship at that age, so don’t be afraid of ‘leaving it too late’. You have plenty of time to figure this out.
i know some of you might say, “wow youre oversensitive” but i truly relate to this because even at school, when someone sits close beside me, i subconsciously move away. when a person tries to hold my hand or arm to guide me while crossing the street, i immediately flinch and pull back. when someone tries to touch my shoulder i feel chills in my back
im not saying this to start a ruse. im saying this to tell everyone that this exists. there are people- like me- who are very uncomfortable when we’re being touched
Tumblr purging everything that makes us like it makes me notice the things we take from granted about it.
Chronological Posts. A good tagging system. Chronological Posts. The ability to write pages long essay in a post. Chronological Posts. Several fandoms built in a way that no other social media has. Chronological Posts.
aceofsquiddles 