I love how he gave this bit at an autism benefit because it is also a heavy Autism Mood™
This is the most relatable thing I’ve ever seen.
TRANSCRIPT:
JOHN MULANEY: I normally don’t notice people. I zone out constantly. Have you ever zoned out for a few minutes? I’ve been zoned out since 2014.
AUDEINCE LAUGHS
MULANEY: I just – all day long, I wander into traffic walking like Charlie Chaplin, listening to a podcast while thinking about a different podcast.
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
MULANEY: I can zone out anywhere – I was at the doctor’s office, he was reading me the results of a blood test, it was important I listened, and I zoned out! I was like, “nah, I’m gonna stare at the wall and think my thoughts”.
AUDIENCE MEMBER WHOOPS
MULANEY: I was like, “huh. None of the Beatles had moustaches… but then one day, all of them had moustaches.”
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
MULANEY: “That’s weird, I can’t think of a time a group has done that”. Some people in my life don’t want me to zone out as much – they want me to focus, and they want me to be in the moment, and they want me to do this by meditating. I don’t know if you’ve ever tried meditating, but I’ve been trying it. This is how you meditate, okay? You sit on the floor with your back perfectly straight, which I hate more than ISIS –
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
MULANEY: I don’t like sitting up straight! Alright?! It’s never gonna happen! If meditating was sitting hunched over on the toilet with your elbow on your knee while kind of looking at your phone, I’d be the Dalai Lama.
AUDIENCE LAUGHS/APPLAUDS
MULANEY: I don’t like sitting up straight. So you sit up straight, and you breathe, and this helps you stay in the moment. Don’t bother! The moment is mediocre at best!
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
MULANEY: I mean, it’s fine. Let’s all try right now – let’s all be in the moment, in silence, right now. [A HALF-SECOND PAUSE] Sucked, right? Not fun at all!
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
MULANEY: That was boring! You gotta zone out! You have an imagination! You have a movie theatre in your brain that plays fake arguments that you win.
AUDIENCE LAUGHS/APPLAUDS
MULANEY: Have you ever just been sitting there thinking about something for twenty, twenty-five minutes, and all of a sudden you’re like “oh my god, I’m driving!” and you remember? You’re like –
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
MULANEY: “I’m going seventy-five miles an hour! I have been for a while! I could’ve changed so many lives!” Sometimes, my wife – I have this wife – she’ll be like, “are you watching the road?” and I’m always like, “I am looking through the windshield.”
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
MULANEY: “And I’m not gonna hit anyone, but no. I’m thinking about the Beatles.”
Hey @vulpeculavolans added a transcript to this AND THAT IS SO AWESOME THANK YOU SO MUCH!
“Why does the third of the
three brothers, who shares his food with the old woman in the wood, go on to
become king of the country? Why does James Bond manage to disarm the nuclear
bomb a few seconds before it goes off rather than, as it were, a few seconds
afterwards? Because a universe where that did not happen would be a dark and
hostile place. Let there be goblin hordes, let there be terrible environmental
threats, let there be giant mutated slugs if you really must, but let there
also be hope. It may be a grim, thin hope, an Arthurian sword at sunset, but
let us know that we do not live in vain.” — Terry Pratchett, “Let There Be
Dragons”
For the record, she actually abandoned the movement BEFORE they all got whooping cough, but abandoned it too late. There’d been a breakout of measles in her area that caused her to reassess, and she and her doctor had already drafted and started a catch-up vaccination schedule, but her kids caught whooping cough just before it could be started. Then she wrote a blog post for The Scientific Parent explaining how she and her husband had come to wrong decisions in the first place, how they changed their mind, the consequences they suffered as a result, and asking other parents to please vaccinate their kids. And now she’s an activist for destroying the misinformation of anti-vaxxers, and reaching out to anti-vaxxers because she’s understands their fears but knows their kids deserve better.
She was trying to the best for her kids and just didn’t know how to interpret the validity of information or its sources, an actual skill that can be actually difficult and that is under-taught and a necessary first step to being able to trust vaccination research, so chose no action over taking an action she wasn’t sure of. She kept looking into it with family and friends and even eventually came to the right conclusion before her kids became sick, but it was still too late.
Honestly it was pretty brave of her to publicly admit she was wrong. She could have just quietly vaccinated her kids and not become a national news story, but instead she spoke out, even saying “I’m writing this from quarantine, the irony of which isn’t lost on me.” and also “I am not looking forward to any gloating or shame as this ‘defection’ from the antivaxx camp goes public, but, this isn’t a popularity contest. Right now my family is living the consequences of misinformation and fear. I understand that families in our community may be mad at us for putting their kids at risk.”
She understood the consequences and still put herself and her story out there.
You know what, it does take a big person to admit they were wrong so publicly and work to undo the harm. I believe I made fun of her in the past, but timemachineyeah changed my mind.
A MEGADUMP of my fave cross-stitches thus far, as I realized I haven’t shared most of these over here. This is a fan-fucking-tastic hobby, y’all. A perfect thing to do with your hands while marathoning TV and binging on films. 😀
telling ppl attracted to men that there are no good men out there or that men can’t love only normalizes poor treatment from men & doesn’t do anything helpful
And give excuses to men to behave poorly, since “it’s in their nature”. Men can be good and men who aren’t good should be held accountable for it.
Male versions of villains: Suave, usually wearing a suit or long coat, maybe playfully manipulating their protagonists in some way. Undeniably cool.
Female versions of villains: Boobs.
I blame two things:
Horny male writers/artists
Age-old puritanical condemnation of female sexuality that associates evil with sexual and sexual with evil.
Yes. Yes to both!
(Also don’t get me started on ‘that isn’t sexist it’s how her suit works/how she gets her powers’ for superheroines. The fact that people don’t seem to understand that these characters don’t just spring out of a vacuum fully formed astounds me.)
Yeah, you can work backwards to make an excuse for any ridiculous costume you want. Someone had to decide to make those in-universe rules.
Can’t believe a kid in the high school class I was helping today kept saying ‘do you even lift, bro?’. Even I, a crusty old millennial, know that’s a dead meme.
Is… is it so old and disused that it’s become vintage? Is it fresh again now?
i feel like. at this point in Meme History, memes like “do you even lift bro” and basically any meme during the “le epic troll face” era havent really looped around to the point where theyre funny ironically, so theyre mainly just dead if u say them
That’s what I thought. So I still have no idea what’s going on. Is this kid secretly a 30yo undercover police officer or something?
aceofsquiddles 