if anyone knows jay @jasonptodd irl and has the ability to check in on him:
i was on ig this morning and his profile is changed and posts are being made misgendering/misnaming him.
im worried abt his safety and am unsure of the legitmacy of the posts mentioning an accident. i know hes had trouble with his mom in the past and i believe that is who is making the posts.
His mom has taken control of his social media and has taken his phone. He is fine and he doesn’t have the brain damage his mom says he has.
His mom won’t let me or Noah speak to him. She blocks anyone who says she’s wrong and putting him in danger from her account and Jason’s account. I fear he is in danger.
Any account tied to Jason has most likely been compromised and all responses posing to be him are his mother.
thanks so much for the info daisy and im so sorry his moms said that shit abt u and noah 💕
and @sasukehateblog if ur able to get in contact w jay and see how hes doing pls let us know! and if theres any way we can help him 👈🏽🤞🏽
she’s also withholding his hormones from him and stolen all of his communication devices, which is illegal because he is 25. we’re not sure if his mom is holding him in her home against his will or if he simply has nowhere else to go due to a lack of funds (we have no way of contacting him). daisy tried calling the cops on her, they went to the house and did absolutely nothing and provided no information, because cops are trash.
jason was not in an accident and does not have brain damage, he is still very much a trans man, and everything posted on all his social media saying otherwise (and saying he hates his boyfriend noah and his best friend daisy) are lies posted by his abusive mother.
if anyone can think of a way to help, contact @stonetalus for jason’s details. these will obviously only be given out if necessary. thank you.
hey so protip if you have abusive parents and need to get around the house as quietly as possible, stay close to furniture and other heavy stuff because the floor is settled there and it’s less likely to creak
socks are quieter than bare feet on tile/wood and for the love of god don’t wear slippers/shoes if you can help it
climbing ON the furniture will disrupt the pattern of your footsteps and make it harder to hear where you are in the house
crawling will do the same and if you get caught crawling you can pretend you fell
the floor near the wall can be really loud if the floorboards/carpet is old and not completely flush to the wall
do NOT attempt to use a rolling chair to travel without footsteps. they are extremely loud and hard to steer
Also. Breath with your mouth and not your nose. Your nose will whistle. Trust me. If you need to get into your fridge, jab your finger into the rubber part that seals the door closed and create a tiny airway. This will prevent the suction noise when you open the door. When drinking liquids (juice mostly), pour out your glass (or chug from the jug) and replace what you drank with water. If it was full enough in the beginning, no one will notice. DO NOT STEAL ALCOHOL. THEY WILL NOTICE IF IT’S WATERED DOWN. Bring a pillowcase for dried foods like cereal and granola. It helps to muffle the sound it makes when it pours.
If your house has snack packs (like gummy bears or crackers or chips), count them every day until you know the rhythm that they get consumed. (This took me a week and a half with my twin brother and sister). Then join the rhythm when you make your nightly visits. It will be that much harder to figure out it was you.
KEEP A TRASH BAG UNDER YOUR BED FOR WRAPPERS AND STUFF BUT DONT FORGET TO THROW IT OUT WHENEVER YOU CAN. BUGS YKNOW. Hope this helped.
I might have some useful info to add.
-a jar of peanut butter is long lasting and easy to hide under a bed or in a dresser drawer. I lived off of jars of peanut butter and boxes of saltine crackers I would buy on grocery trips with my mom.
-two words: Slipper Socks. These are the socks that have rubber designs on the bottom for grip. They make no noise, and also keep you steady on slicker surfaces like tile and wood. You can find them cheap at Walmart. They also keep your feet more protected if you’re outside.
-if you’re secure enough in your room to have a small food stash, make sure you’re not too obvious about it (duh) but also move its location every few days. I kept mine in a shoebox under my bed, then switched it to a backpack in my closet, then wedged between my bookshelf and wall, and I would cycle locations until i moved it permanently to a false-bottomed drawer I installed in my dresser when my father was gone for a weekend. I would NEVER put food directly into my stash after taking it. I would keep it in pockets of my clothes and between books until everyone went to sleep, then I’d stock and stow my stash for the next few days.
-get a water bottle with a filter in it. I used to be able to reach my bathroom from my bedroom door down the hall using a huge step or minor jump/leap. If I was afraid of being caught at night, I’d fill up the humidifier tank we kept under our sink while I took a short shower, and would refill my water that way. It might not be the best option, but I kept a small stockade of water under my bed for emergencies.
-if you can, smuggle your garbage out in your backpack or purse. Dispose of it at work/school. I got caught twice by carelessly throwing away packaging.
-if someone knows the situation you’re going through (close friend/partner/etc) see if there’s a way for them to get food or other supplies to you at school or work or what private time you may get. A hidden first aid kit literally saved parts of my body before and I owe it to a close friend.
-try learning the building’s natural rhythm. The house I grew up in would creak and settle heavily every night for 3-5 minutes. That was my shot, and I had to be QUICK. I still got caught a few times, but learning the patterns in our floors and walls, when they creaked, WHERE they creaked, kept me going. Eventually I was sprinting in slipper socks to the kitchen and back in less than 90 seconds.
-if you have stairs, or live upstairs. Sit as you go down them one at a time, or climb up them like an animal. It keeps you low/out of lots of motion sight, and also can reduce noise and creaking by distributing weight over more than 1-2 steps.
-You can use common hand sanitizer to remove the stains certain snack foods leave behind (coughs cheeto fingers) and a dry toothbrush can help scrub the color off your tongue. If you can get powdered toothpaste or toothpaste tabs to keep on hand, it makes a huge difference in sneakiness.
-I don’t recommend going for dried foods like granola or cereal unless you can sneak it to a secure place to get it. It’s too loud, it’s a gamble every time for something with less caloric intake than it’s worth if you get caught. Of course, there are times when that’s the only option!!
-if you’re taking milk, add water, but be SURE to shake/agitate the bottle to distribute the dairy fat with the water. I got into the habit of shaking milk jugs when I started sneaking it, and explained the habit as something I read in an old comic strip my father showed me. (Back when whole milk had a lot more cream fats and they’d separate, so shaking it would redistribute the cream.) I still shake milk jugs to this day.
-if your windows open or don’t have screens, eat leaning out an open window. Any food mess will be lost in the dirt. I was lucky I had bushes and birds outside that would catch my granola bar crumbs before anyone could notice.
-canned goods are tempting, but not worth it. It requires too many tools (can opener/strained sometimes/utensils/some need heat) stick to thinks like various nut butters (sunflower/peanut/almond), crackers, dried fruit, and easy to conceal food bars (nature valley/nutrigrain/etc.) dried ramen packets are good uncooked if you can stand the texture. Apple sauce and pudding cups are also easier to sneak and stash than one might think, and can be eaten with your fingers. The only canned foods I recommend are condensed soups and precooked pasta (spaghetti-o’s). You can easily mix them with a little bit of hot water from the tap and get something more sustaining than a handful of captain Crunch. The cans are cheap, sometimes recyclable, and drinking soup takes way less time than chewing solid food.
-if you menstruate, attempt to stash pads/tampons in a safe location. Sometimes shit happens. Pads can work as bandages in emergency situations. Sometimes shark week comes unexpectedly. If you can sneak a roll of toilet paper or paper towels, these are also life savers.
-plastic utensils from takeout containers can be hidden inside socks and will be worth their weight in gold when you least expect it. I bought myself a tiny plastic bowl from the dollar store and kept cheap trinkets in it on my desk so it didn’t seem like a bowl I was eating out of. You could try this with something like a mason jar, which is also useful for drinking out of or storing water.
-if you’re eating a crunchy or solid food, try soaking it in water. Mushy food can be repulsive in texture, but I could clock the sound of someone eating a nature valley oat bar from like 6 miles away. Dunking it in water (or using a secret bowl+water) can reduce noise, and also eating time since you don’t have to chew as much.
-keep a laundry bar or tide pen on you. Laundry bars are super useful, a little hard to find though. I washed a lot of stains out of my clothes with laundry bars in my bathroom sink as a kid. Not proud if it, but it kept me flying under the radar at school.
-clear rubber bands, plain twine or string, paper clips, and thumb tacks. Indescribably useful. I once rigged a system to open tricky cabinets and get objects from inside using two paper clips and a foot of plain string like a mock lasso system.
-if you’re pulling objects from tall cabinets, use your chest or stomach to cushion them. Let them fall into your torso and then into your hands cradled underneath. Not as loud, not as much grabbing, if someone sees it they can mistake it for it falling on you by the body language.
-get a bandana. Or four. Napkins, bandages, tool, and accessory all in one.
-get a tiny sewing kit. I’m talking 3 needles and a spool of thread tiny. Scissors if you can sneak it. See things into your clothes. Make hidden pockets or compartments. Threadbanger on YouTube did a video a few years ago about sneaking things into music festivals using tiny clothing mods, but they may be useful in sneaking money or medicine.
-on the topic of sneaking money. don’t take bills, take change. If your abusers don’t meticulously count their nickels and pennies, they’re an easy(ish) way to build up a tiny savings pool. I found nickels the least noticed coin I took, even more than pennies, and taking two every few nights from where they’d be tossed on our countertop soon built up to a semi-reliable fund I passed off to someone to get me food for my stash without having to sneak it from the kitchen. As soon as I became “independent” in my food storage, I was subjected to much less scrutiny. I managed to build up a solid 1-2 week ration supply after hoarding change.
-you can tape SD cards to the inside of book dust covers(the part that folds inside the actual cover of the book), if you have a sewing kit or zipper on it inside the stuffing of your pillow (trim a corner, stuff it inside, stitch it closed) or (this is final resort) VERY CAREFULLY remove the covering from your outlet and tape it to the wall stud before replacing the casing. I kept mine inside part of my wooden bed frame that I hollowed out using, you guessed it, take out silverware knives and 4 nights without sleep.
-THE FLOOR IS LAVA WAS KEY TRAINING FOR ME AS A CHILD. I learned to take pillows with me, climb on furniture to disrupt my flow of movement, toss a pillow down, and use that to cushion any rattle our living room could give off as I crept to the kitchen from the side entrance so my mom’s dog wouldn’t bark or alert anyone. I highly suggest crawling around on all fours like some sort of beast to stay out of sight.
-can you run your house blindfolded?? If you can’t. Maybe you should try to learn. I suffered some heavy eye traumas growing up and had a collective 3-4 months just IN THE DARK. Eyes bandaged, left alone. It was terrible, but damn if I couldn’t navigate the whole place silently, without any visual cues. This helps a lot with the whole moving around in the dark thing, too. Listening is obviously key.
-if your parents start getting suspicious, or you’re suspicious they’re getting suspicious, watch out for traps. String on the ground that gets shifted when you walk on it. Baby powder or flour left to track footprints or doors opening/closing. My dad was partial to wrapping a bungee cord around my doorknob and attaching it to the closet across the hallway. I wouldn’t be able to open my door enough to get out, or if I did, I risked ruining the structural integrity of the wrappings he did, and he would notice.
-learn to tie some knots. Strong ones. They’ll come in handy at one point or another.
-remember that you’re not totally alone. There’s people out there for you. Wanting to make everything better. You don’t deserve what’s happening, it isn’t normal, and you will eventually find help. But staying safe is important, and you are important.
It upsets me that people might need to know these but I know it could really help someone by reblogging
ALWAYS REBLOG
You guys have no idea how much this might help me… Rebloging for anyone else who may need it
That is CRIMINAL to send him back!
That judge must be republican
Yo if a child is crying this hard and begging not to go back to their mother’s house, SOMETHING IS CLEARLY WRONG. Protect the kids, man. Smh….
Oh no… my heart aches
Poor baby, hurts me bc this is everyday shit…
This shit fucked me up…..
I always tell myself not to watch these things but always end up watching them & crying & feeling like a horrible person because I want to help so bad but I know I can’t. Ugh I really hope they fix this & help this child
According to this, the dad got in trouble for illegally taking Mikey to Massachusetts without checking with the Illinois judge. They’re trying to terminate the dad’s parental rights because they’re claiming he kidnapped his kid- that he had primary custody of- and instead returning him to his mom who not only demonstrably physically abused him, but it running a fucking meth house. It’s fucking wild.
I have never made any type of post like this and it’s going to be long and annoying but I just can’t fucking take this anymore. I’m Sophie, I am a 19 year old latina girl who has been living with an abusive man double my age for the last couple of years after running away. I feel trapped here and I have no means to leave safely at all. I’m mentally ill and on disability which doesn’t leave me with any room to get away from him and he is extremely controlling even when it comes to money and what I should have to owe him for living with him.
I have no family to lean on and the friends I did have, he has cut me off completely from them. He’s smashed my phone when he got paranoid leaving me with nothing and no one. He monitored my phone and my social media so I have had to make separate accounts to try and hide him from seeing what I post. Not only that but he is racist, he hates women, believes in white supremacy, thinks that all girls should only be with men and give themselves to men whether they want to or not.. it just goes on and on and never stops. He always talks about genocide, thinks women ask for too much, ect. He has actually gone to jail in the past for assault. He threatens me with violence if I don’t do the things he asks for all the time and my mental health has gone downhill since I came here. There are so many things that have happened that I can’t even talk about.
I am always being taken advantage of, threatened, manipulated into sex, into giving him money, just so that I won’t be out on the streets with no where to go. This type of life is making me want to kill myself if I can’t get a change soon but I am terrified of the thought of leaving him. I want to get a restraining order so that he can’t come after me, but if I do that I will have no place to live because I can’t afford the apartment I live in if he’s not here. I need help getting out. There is no way I can afford to pay a deposit, pet fee, and first months rent on a cheaper apartment with the income and type of life I have right now. He knows about how much money I bring in a month, and with my bills and everything I have very little. I know what I need is a lot, my goal is around $500 dollars even though that won’t begin to cover it, I don’t expect much help at all. Even a couple dollars I have that I can hide from him will hopefully add up.
I was at risk of being homeless when I met him because of leaving my family. I thought that because he had issues too that he was a good person at heart but I can’t take the way that he treats me anymore, it has only gotten worse. If you don’t believe me, or think I shouldn’t be asking for this kind of help or think this is all my fault just block me. Ihave had too many people act like I am over exaggerating or that I’m crazy. I will just block you.
my paypal email is sophimazziotti@gmail.com if you can help at all and if you cant i understand I know everyone is struggling and other people need more help than I do but I would be so thankful if you would please please reblog this post for me. Thank you.
I know this is different from the sort of stuff I usually post, but this has been on my mind for a while. As I’ve browsed certain fandoms on this site, I’ve stumbled across a common argument. One person, usually an abuse survivor, says they believe a character was abused, citing signs and personality traits that echo their own experiences. Another person, who was usually not abused, will say “No, they couldn’t have been abused,” and then cite one misconception or another.
And as an abuse survivor, it bothers me.
I know that in many cases, the character fans argue over is controversial to begin with. One that comes to mind is Draco Malfoy. Those who argue against the abused!Draco headcanon might have good intentions—in many cases I’ve seen, they feel as though fans in favor of the headcanon are trying to turn a racist asshole into some precious woobie—but the problem is that in doing so, they’re talking over actual abuse survivors. When they say “No, he couldn’t have been abused because no abused child would say ‘My father is going to hear about this!’” or “An abused child wouldn’t know that parents are supposed to protect their kids,” they’re discounting actual survivor stories and perpetuating the myth that there is only one correct response to abuse.
So, I’m going to address some common fallacies brought up in these types of arguments.
1. “They couldn’t have been abused. Their parents spoiled them rotten.”
My dad is a self-made man, the type who started at the very bottom of the ladder and worked his way up. As such, I enjoyed a childhood that became progressively more comfortable. I wore nice clothes, got a car on my eighteenth birthday (an old car, but it was still a gift I couldn’t have afforded on my own) and not only did my mom cook dinner at home every night, but when she learned I had food sensitivities, she began buying only organic and all-natural ingredients. When I wanted to paint my room purple at age 13, my dad took me to Home Depot to look at paint samples, then came home and painted my walls the exact shade I’d chosen.
This was thrown in my face at every turn.
If I ever disagreed with my parents, even over something trivial, or made a joke that they found offensive, I was treated to a tirade of verbal abuse beginning with a litany of all the things they did for me, how they never got such nice things at my age, and how ungrateful I was for them. These “lectures” usually ended with me in tears—not because I was a sensitive brat (as they claimed) but because they knew every one of my sore spots and pressed and pressed until I couldn’t take the pain.
2. “If they were abused, they wouldn’t know that parents are supposed to protect their kids.”
My parents treated me like shit. There’s no other word for it. I vividly recall one time when I did something that made my mom angry. I think I interrupted a lecture about my grades (I had a B in math, which was Absolutely Unacceptable to them) to say that I was trying as hard as I could and a B was the best I could do. She found my tone disrespectful (in reality, it was probably more desperate than disrespectful) and left me to my dad. I’ll never forget what he said:
“The way you treat your mom is like if some rich guy found a homeless man on the street, gave him food, new clothes, all the money in his bank account, signed over the deed to his house and gave him his car, then asked for a ride home—and the homeless guy said ‘Nope. Get your own ride.’”
That was normal, coming from my parents. It was normal for them to wound me as deeply as they could over trivial matters. And yet when my mom learned I was being bullied and the school was basically sweeping it under the rug, she was ready to rain down righteous fury on the entire administrative staff. She was livid. She treated me like garbage when I annoyed her, but when someone else hurt me, it was time for hellfire and brimstone.
3. “They’re too sassy/not sassy enough.”
This is a misconception I had, before talking with other survivors. See, in my household, compliance was the only way to survive. The only way to get through the day without being subjected to hours of verbal abuse was to do whatever my parents wanted, as soon as they wanted it done, and do it with the biggest smile I could muster. As a result, I internalized the abuse. For years, I thought that whenever my parents sat me down and railed about how selfish I was, it was because I really was a sinful, selfish brat.
As a result, Harry Potter’s sass toward the Dursleys struck me as unrealistic—because in my household, it was. Had I shown my parents half the sass Harry showed Petunia and Vernon, I would have been grounded for a year and verbally abused every morning before I went to school. Then I spoke to other survivors, whose situations were different from mine, and heard that “No, sass was how I survived.”
This brings me to….
4. “Their situation doesn’t read as abusive.”
There is no universal experience of abuse. As Leo Tolstoy once said, “Happy families are all alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”
There are multiple forms of abuse—verbal, physical, emotional, psychological, sexual. Each one of these carries profoundly different psychological consequences, and these consequences are determined in part by the severity of the abuse, other circumstances in the home, role of the abuser, and the personality of the one being abused.
In other words, no two abuse survivors are alike. Two siblings can have the same parents and experience the abuse differently.
Which leads me to….
5. “They don’t act like an abuse survivor.”
Tom Card, Michael Westen’s former handler on the show Burn Notice, summed it up better than I could:
“Imagine that you’re holding onto two bottles and they drop on the floor. What happens? They both break. But it’s how they break that’s important. Because, you see, while one bottle crumples into a pile of glass, the other shatters into a jagged-edged weapon. You see, the exact same environment that forged older brother into a warrior crushed baby brother. People just don’t all break the same, Mrs. Westen. Just don’t.”
The “environment” to which he refers here is a home with a violent, alcoholic father. Michael, the older brother and protagonist of the show, fought his dad at every turn, joined the military, and eventually the CIA. His younger brother, Nate, became a compliant people-pleaser, blaming himself for a string of failed relationships.
In conclusion: If you don’t think a character was abused, fine. That’s your opinion. But don’t talk over abuse survivors to get your point across. And do not, repeat, do not assume that a character who does not fit your preconceived notion of an abuse survivor was not abused.
Because people don’t all break the same way. They just don’t.