can we stop acting like villains doing generic villainous things means that they’re abusive
abuse is a pattern of behavior in an intimate relationship where one party repeatedly acts in order to hold control + power over the other person, the bad guy trying to like blow up the good guy’s spaceship because they’re on opposite sides of a war or whatever is so far beyond the realm of what actually happens in abusive relationships
Can parents stop acting like providing a child’s basic needs is something to be earned? So many kids grow up traumatised because they were made to feel guilty about the existence they never asked for
Daily reminder that “Missing Person” posts are a common and often effective method that abusers use to find their victims that have run away from them. Also used to find people in the witness protection program.
If you see a “missing person” post with a number that is not just 911 on it, be very wary. And if you do see someone who is supposedly missing, call the police, NOT the number provided on the post. I trust the police as little as anyone but they’ll at least be able to tell you if that person is actually missing and it has less of a chance of giving information to a possible abuser.
A couple of red flags I’ve noticed:
Abusers claiming their victims are mentally ill or schizophrenic, to explain why they might not want to come back
Abusers giving any excuse to explain why their victims may not come back really
Abusers telling you not to approach their victims if you see them, or limit your communication with them
Abusers telling you not to mention them to their victims at all
Abusers claiming that their victims aren’t safe with their family or friends
Abusers claiming their victims are being threatened away from them
(Feel free to add on)
Add-ons to the list of red flags from my mother, a psychologist who has worked with victims of domestic abuse:
Abusers claiming their victim has a history of self-harm that leaves bruises is always a red flag (except in the case of autistic children, but even then, call 911, not the abuser)
Abusers claiming their (POC) victim doesn’t understand English and so you shouldn’t try to communicate with them/trust anything they say is not uncommon for human traffickers
Abusers claiming their victim has a history of making things up for attention or to get their way, tacitly implying you shouldn’t listen to them when they express fear or disclose their abusive situation to you
Posters lacking a last name are inherently not to be trusted. The lack of a surname is there to keep you from looking the person up in other databases and finding out they’ve been listed as missing by their family/the police.
Posters that put any character smears – mental illness, drug use, etc. – out about the victim are trying to make you predisposed to not communicating with or trusting the victim so you won’t believe anything they say. Treat this as a flashing neon red flag and call the police.
My mother would also like to note that taking a picture of the poster or tearing it down and turning it in to police can be very useful to them when they’re trying to build cases against abusers so if that’s at all possible for you, by all means do it.
As someone who’s always had foster brothers and sisters, this is not only true for adults, but absolutely true for children as well. Sometimes kids are put into ‘secret placement’ in foster care to protect the child and the foster family they’re placed with. We’ve legit had parents find out where we live and turn up on our doorstep with guns. We’ve also had parents simply turn up at school, pick up their kids and flee the country.
If you work in the education system, or some other system that deals with information, be very aware of who you give information to. Are you on the phone? Don’t give out any information unless you can prove with 100% certainty that this person is who they say they are. Even if they are the parent, make sure they’re also the legal guardian. Even if they have a sad story about how they’re never allowed to see the kids through no fault of their own, even if it’s true, don’t give out information. Those rules are there for a reason and that reason is to protect kids from their abusers. This seems ridiculous and tedious and bureaucratic and in most cases it is, but for the sake of that 1 in 10.000th case that it’s true, please be careful.
Red flags:
– Parents who don’t know their child’s address or phone number
– Parents who make degrading remarks about their child’s primary care giver
– Parents who make degrading remarks about their child
– Parents who are looking for more than one of their kids
– Parents who are demanding access to their kid’s email account
– The child is in foster care or lives in a halfway house or similar institution
– The parent paints themselves as a victim.
Yes, not all foster care placement is handled correctly and sometimes mistakes are made, but that decision is not up to you. You don’t know all the facts. Many abusers, parents or otherwise, are clever, charismatic, manipulative assholes that get off on power trips but can come off as completely normal and trustworthy. Far more so than their victims.
Not to get controversial or anything but can we stop with making fun of women being abused by their husbands and playing it off as ‘straight culture’
I lost 10 followers for saying we shouldnt make fun of domestic abuse victims.
can we also please stop making fun of men being abused by their wives thanks
Good addition
Can we also stop acting that domestic abuse is just a “straight” thing?
It’s literally teaching our baby gays that any same sex relationship their going into is safe and they don’t need to be worried about being abused and controlled.
anyway, my older sister was adopted when she was almost 16 (kinda on accident too), and because of that she got away from an abusive household, went from barely passing classes to being an honour student, and launching into a career where she’s happy and healthy and paying her own way. just two years of parenting where she had 3 meals a day, a bedtime, and parents to help and protect her changed her life radically. Plus, i got an older sister
Daily reminder that “Missing Person” posts are a common and often effective method that abusers use to find their victims that have run away from them. Also used to find people in the witness protection program.
If you see a “missing person” post with a number that is not just 911 on it, be very wary. And if you do see someone who is supposedly missing, call the police, NOT the number provided on the post. I trust the police as little as anyone but they’ll at least be able to tell you if that person is actually missing and it has less of a chance of giving information to a possible abuser.
I love this. Its in all the toilets at the local birth centre and basically if your in a domestic violence relationship and cant speak out about it you take one of the stickers and place it on the urine pot and the midwife will speak to you after about it and get you the help needed to flee the violence. So upsetting how many stickers have already gone tho 😦
If it makes you feel better, those might not have been taken by actual folks who needed it – we were taught at the clinic I worked at to never leave a full sheet of anything, because the sorts of folks who need these stickers might also be the kind of folks who, psychologically, have a hard time taking a first step or ‘breaking’ something brand new – like being the first person to take a sticker off a sheet or tear a phone number off a flyer. They called it ‘easing the path’ and all us admin staff were careful to never fill up brochure things all the way, to take the first tag off a flyer we hung up, leave the toys for the kids in uneven piles and leave a couple of books leaning or sideways or lying flat on the shelf.
Reblog for the second set of comments. Folks in abusive relationships have a constant mental commentary about how you aren’t worth it, you’re a bother, you’re inconvenient, you cause trouble, it’s all your fault. That “easing the way” is solid psychology. Feeling like you’re not alone, you’re not the only one who has this problem, can let you shift from feeling helpless and hopeless to being willing to reach out for help.
I’m kinda tired of being abused. Of being mocked. Of being threatened with the police and institutionalization whenever I have mental episodes. I am tired of being in the closet as a trans woman and living in fear every day of my life.
Could you please send me some money, any money, so that I can get out of here. My dad has become especially violent and abusive with me lately and I’m at my breaking point. And I have a feeling that if I dont run soon, something bad’s going to happen to me
Hi guys, sorry for disappearing. This is the first time since I ran away that I’ve had internet access.
A fried has taken me in temporarily, but I am trying to move away permanently and get my plans to move to Kansas City by next year in order, and the donations have kinda stopped. I’d appreciate it if people helped me become financially secure enough to move out of California and be able to get a permanent non-leeching-off-of-friends housing/living situation. And also if you’re living in KC, and looking for a roommate, message me.
aceofsquiddles 